For YouI Will Wait
by photographer02
Summary: Ermm...just read it? )
1. Default Chapter

**Title: For You, I Will Wait**

**Chapter: 1**

**Author: photographer**

**Spoilers: ermmm...third season after Doppelgangland**

**Email: **

**Rating: This is PG...I think**

**Feedback: Yes, Please! This is my first Buffy's story! I need your POV!!!**

**Archive: Please Ask.**

**Pairing: Buffy and Willow**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them**

**Summary: Buffy had deep thoughts about Willow**

It was already late at night when I started patrolling in the cemetery. It was a crazy night I guess. Seeing Willow as a vampire in the Bronze earlier this evening who was actually Willow's double from an alternative universe. Everybody thought that Willow had turned into what we feared most, a vampire. Well, besides Angel of course since he has a soul...but still...

The events that happened this night make me think deeply as I stake two newbie vampires rising from their graves quickly. I don't know why, but seeing and thinking of Willow as a soulless vampire makes all my emotions mixed up big time. I thought it was the best friends' feeling sad or something but it became more and more confusing when I saw the real Willow in the library earlier. I felt myself completely confused yet so relieved that she was alive and well. And when I hugged her, it was like...it wasn't enough for me to express how I felt at that time. But I somehow couldn't because it scares me so...because what I was feeling was so confusing but I know it's more than a best friends' feeling. Luckily, all went well and we caught the other vampire Willow and sent her back to her universe. I sighed deeply as I left the cemetery and began my journey to the next. The night is really quiet now and it seems everybody is safely in their houses and so forth. After the stressful event earlier, Xander and I sent Willow home because we were afraid of anything happening to her. Well, it's good to be protective over a friend right? And why does my mind keep on saying to me... 'Yeah...right!'?

My feelings become more confused whenever I see Willow now. I feel like I want to hold her for all time. I feel like I want to protect her with all the power that I have in me. I feel like I want to kiss and comfort her so she'll be safe at all times, so why these weird feelings? Why is a part of me denying and saying that, 'we're just best friends' and the other part of me is saying, 'BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER YOU DOOFUS!' so many times that I feel like I want to scream and say, "SHUT UP!" to myself? What the heck is wrong with me?

"Hey girl, alone? Wanna give me a snack?"

A male vampire interrupted my thoughts as he stands in front of me. 'Geez, rude much?' I look at his attire and it was obvious that he was a newbie, just raised from the grave. He gave me that sly smile, thinking I'm some frail girl walking in a cemetery. Riighhht!

"Yep, and you're dust!"

I hear him growl at me as he tried to pounce on me. I moved to the side and he fell right to the ground. It was kind of funny to see newbie vampires sometimes. They can be really...a newbie. I see him getting up at the corner of my eye and before he could pounce or grab me, I took a stake from my pocket and stake him right to the heart and he instantly dusted in front of me. Then I continued patrolling again.

My mind kept on wandering back to Willow. Xander volunteered to accompany me to patrol but I wanted to be alone so I accompanied him home first. I could hear his parents fighting inside as he went in. Poor Xander crept through my mind when I looked at his home just before I left on my patrol. Actually, I don't mind that Xander wanted to come patrol with me but I knew he would see that something is bothering me deeply. He would think it's Angel or Willow...and that's what I don't want him to know. Not right now.

What about Angel? Am I still in love with him? Of course I am...then what is Willow, a substitute, a fling? Could it be attraction? What? Oww...this is giving me a headache! I rubbed my temples and shook my head a few times as I finished patrolling the cemetery.

Maybe I should just go to Willow's house and check on her or something. That would be good, right? Then I would know exactly how I feel. Yeah, I'll go and see her then, just as I finish my patrol and walk out of the cemetery to Willow's house.

As I reached the front of Willow's home, I pause taking deep breaths and use the time to control my nervousness. 'Great! Now I'm nervous...way to go Buffy!' I thought bitterly to myself. Taking all the strength that I've got, I move to the side of the house and start climbing. The next thing I knew, I was on her balcony safely. I walk to her French door and knock on it lightly and waited. 'What if she is sleeping? What if she didn't hear me knocking?' I asked my self silently and completely forgetting how late it was already. But then, I saw her opening the curtains slightly, looking at me in surprise. She quickly opened the door with a big smile on her face.

"Buffy! Hey! What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

I didn't answer her immediately. Her soft voice sounded so concerned, thinking something bad has happened to me this night. Immediately I felt a huge guilt hitting me in my stomach, silently cursing myself for coming to her this late at night; when I could have just met her in school tomorrow morning. Her question felt like a gentle warmness flowing through me – making me feel that even though I'm the slayer, but I'm always cared and loved by her...even though as a best friend. I took my time to look at her carefully for the first time. Besides wearing very cute pajamas, she is beautiful. Sometimes I really wonder how she could still stick with me after all the danger we have been through together. She's so sweet and so innocent. So like her. I feel myself starting to melt slowly as I gaze into her eyes. Even though I don't really know my feelings for her clearly, I do know that I kind of love her.

"Hi Willow. No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to check on you, so no big baddy coming after you so far?"

She giggled when I asked that. I forced a small smile as my throat suddenly felt dried, just trying to lighten the stressful night we had earlier. It was just a joke actually but hey, it's good to lighten up a little right? Yet at the same time, I began to feel the nervousness coming back to me as I felt my heart pounding loudly. I'm not sure if I'm controlled with my emotions enough as I look at her gently, if possible – slightly cheerful.

I see her giggle a bit more as she takes my hand to bring me inside her room from the chilly night. She then closes the French door and walks over to sit on her bed. I'm guessing I woke her up.

"Nope. I'm really okay. Well, apart of what happened earlier, I still get the chills and all but apart from that...I'm really, really okay."

I'm relieved that Willow was cheerful tonight. Her soft feminine voice washed over me again as I openly accepts it and close my eyes for awhile, enjoying the feeling in me. The heavy tension on my shoulders somehow slips away slowly...making me able to relax. I found myself smiling as I open my eyes again, looking at her as she babbled a bit and sat on the bed next to her. 'Oh god, you're so beautiful,' I thought to myself. I found myself saying to her softly.

"I'm glad that you're alright. I'm sorry for calling you Old Reliable. I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean, I can always rely on you and..."

Willow immediately cut off what I was about to say as she touches my hand gently. I felt an instant warmness spreading from her delicate long fingers. It made me feel welcome in her presence as if she was a goddess from above, giving me a part of her...a part where I belong to her...like coming home.

"Buffy, it's okay, I understand really. It's just that it was a bad day for me and all, my bad really." She smiled at me gently and I became a feather carried on gentle currents of air.

I don't know how she can affect me so much now...why didn't I see that? What was I afraid of? Oh yeah, because we're both straight as an arrow and I was with Angel...okay, I think that answers almost everything...I didn't talk to her immediately though...because emotion pushed and pulled me until I nearly choked for lack of air. I threw my arms around her, pulling her tight to me, clutching desperately to make sure that she's alive and breathing. I breathe slightly on her red hair, inhaling the strawberry shampoo scent into my lungs...somehow making the darkness in me...replaced by something more beautiful. I breathe again as I her heat infuses me with warmth born of kindness. And somehow, I wanted to express myself to her...of what I'm feeling now.

"Willow, when I saw you as a vampire in the Bronze, I felt like I had already lost you."

I could feel that she wanted to speak again but I pulled back from the hug and silence her with my finger softly on her lips. She was surprised but I wanted to let all my feelings out before I started going insane of something.

"Let me finish Willow, please. I need to tell you how I really felt tonight," I said as my words come out more as a desperate plea that I failed to overcome. My heart pounded loudly in my ears, making me far from calm.

Willow nodded her head slightly and I removed my finger from her lips and held her hands with mine. This is now or never.

"When I saw you as a vampire, I thought I lost you. Xander and I were really lost when we thought you had been turned. And after we told Giles and were sitting in the library, you came in...and I thought I was dreaming. But when I hugged you, I felt your pulse..."

Warm tears tickled my cheek. I could see the overwhelming emotion in her oh so intense green eyes. I really wanted her to know...even though I don't know what would happen after she hears what I'm going to say to her. Gulping, I push myself to continue.

"When I felt your pulse, I was so happy and relieved. I really thought I lost you for good. It made me realize so many things Willow. I have all these feelings and they scare me...but in a good way? I...I think so. One thing I know, I never want to lose you because..."

I immediately became quiet. I take a deep breath and look at her again. She's staring at me, her brows arched with that adorable look she gets when she's curious. Her lips are slightly parted, in anticipation. I tried to open my mouth and speak...but I was somehow dumbly mute all of a sudden.

"Buffy...what is it? You can tell me...Buffy?"

There was desperation in her voice yet a little hint of fear. My heart aches with regret, for putting her in such a difficult situation which she would find out from me really soon. My mind keeps telling me to not scare her any further and to back off right now. But which must I follow? My mind...or what's in my heart?

I look at her and couldn't help giving a small smile. My right hand leaves her hands and touches her left cheek softly. It was a bit damp because she had cried a little but overall, it's amazingly soft. 'Please forgive me after this Willow.' I prayed silently in my heart.

"I kind of...love you Willow. I think I've always felt like this about you...but I don't know why I feel so much more now. I'm still not that clear what I feel but I do know that I kind of love you."

Her hands clenched tightly in response. I don't know if she's going to hate me after this or what. Her eyes lose focus as I sense her contemplating her response.

"Why? Why...me?" Her barely audible words caress my hearing like a fading echo.

"Huh?" Crawls from my throat. Okay, I think I just become a dumb blonde suddenly.

She looks at me and releases my left hand. She gets off the bed and starts pacing her room like an impatient wolf.

"Why me, why now? When I have a boyfriend and you tell me this...this new information? How can you feel this way for me...?"

I immediately cut her off. I need to straighten some things out.

"Willow, I didn't mean to freak you out. Look, I know you're having the heebee jeebees because of the other you and I didn't plan this or anything."

Realization struck me suddenly, knowing my words were slightly harsh. Sounding like a snake whose sinking its venom into its prey. It makes my words too demanding, making Willow flinch a little from my venomous tone. I see her looking slightly away from me ashamed, thinking that she had offended me somehow. My mind itself was fighting an inner battle to replace aggression with gentleness. My hands clenched a few times and taking a few deep breaths, I forced myself to continue more gently.

"Why you? Because you're closer to me than anyone beside my mother, but different. I knew I felt something for you since the day I met you...but I didn't know what I was really feeling at the time. Then I met Angel and I was in love with him. Heck, maybe I still am but I'm not so sure anymore. Why now? Because I thought I lost you tonight and it really broke my heart and I felt...really lost. I'm telling you now because you have the right to know Willow. I'm sorry if feeling this way bothers you... I know that you may be uncomfortable about the gay thing and..."

"No. I don't mean that." I look up at her and she was surprisingly calm. She was standing near her computer desk and leaning on it slightly. I observe her body language slowly. She looks slightly shaken, yet trying her hardest to calm herself. Her beautiful fair face frowned a little, perhaps doing an inner-babble in her mind as her lips parted a bit with confusion. I didn't exactly understand what she meant and tried to ask her, but as if she read my mind, she hurriedly answered me without any anger in her tone.

"I mean, how can you feel this way for me...when I'm nothing and you're...something?"

'Oh,' I thought suddenly. 'Okay, score two for the dumb blonde again.' I got up slowly from the bed and went to her. I paused half way fearing that she would shy away from me...but she didn't. Slowly, I closed the distance and took her hands in mine.

I find myself smiling at her, looking at her again. I start to feel the emotions in me, spreading quickly. My throat suddenly starts to choke up and her fair face starts to blur as new tears fill my eyes again. Emotions in me somehow make my words flows tearfully...but are meaningful at the same time. "You're not a nobody. You're something...like me. Okay, a different something than me because I'm the slayer and you're more into witchcraft. Ugh! Okay, what I'm saying is that...I feel this way for you...because you're a beautiful person, in and out. I love everything about you...you make me feel like I'm home, loved, everything. I love your babbling, your intelligence, everything about you. So you're something...you're special...to me."

There. I said it. Now I have to wait for her to speak. But she was keeping quiet, thinking deeply. I was grateful that she didn't let go of my hands. I can see the tiredness on her face. But she still looked amazing beautiful to me...with her rich red hair, she was such an innocent beauty. I wait for her to speak but she remains silent and immobile.

Impatiently I blurt out, "Forgive me Willow," yet meaning it. I'm not sure why I asked for her forgiveness. Forgiveness for loving her? No, for sure that I have no regrets for loving her. I was perhaps more sorry for putting more complications in her life now even before I came to Sunnydale; coming into her and Xander's life and 'introducing' them to vampires and demons.

She looks at me as the words die on my lips. My heart seems to stop for a few seconds as I wait for the yelling and such to start. But nothing came out of her, and her eyes seem to slowly search for a clue on my face. She looks at my face carefully and it feels as if her eyes are caressing my face softly. I wasn't sure if she's trying to see if I was making a big joke out of this or something else, so I look at her patiently allowing her to find what truth it holds on my face. Then she surprises me by leading me to her bed. I awkwardly sit down beside her, my hands tremble as I look at her.

"I think I understand how you feel Buffy...okay, not completely but enough to understand. I'm not mad at you...because I do feel something for you a bit."

Her voice sounded calm yet still holds confusion. I see her shaking her head a few times when she still couldn't come up with a conclusion. Her face holds a confused look as she tries to find a solution, and then her reaction suddenly changes into frustration, unable to find the right answer for now. But whenever she looks at me, she gives me this warm little smile, making my insides do little somersaults. But at the same, 'Okay, didn't expect that,' flashes through my brain like the extra air that's drying my eyeballs out.

"I was attracted to you from the day we became friends. I looked up to you because you're so...wow what with the slayer strength and all. But then you were with Angel and I was so in love with Xander but he was too naïve to see that. Not that he's bad or anything...just too naïve to see me as anything more than a friend. He likes looking at other girls than me. And then he was with Cordelia, who had really 'tortured' us for a long time. It was so hurtful to see that, but even so he's still my best friend..."

Okay, babbling is coming out. Need to really stop her now. I mean, really adorable but she's getting off the topic.

"Ermm Will, I love your babbling but..."

Then she immediately stops as she just realized that she was babbling. Her face flushes slightly in embarrassment and she coughs slightly before getting back to what she was saying.

"Oh, sorry. What I am trying to say is that I'm glad that you told me. I'm flattered that you have these...ermm feelings for me. If the timing was different, I would love to start a relationship with you now...but..."

I was surprise to hear this from her. It wasn't something that I was expecting her to say. I mean, I was up for anger...yelling...disgust...crying...something. All the new tension in me seems to go away slowly. A part of me seems to appreciate her for not sending me away, as my hands give a slight gentle squeeze on her delicate hands, being completely grateful to her. If the timing was different, I would surely take her in my arms and kiss her face gently, making her feel that she is loved and does belong to someone...to me. When I look at her now, she looks so calm though a little bit surprised at herself. Or is it she's really tired...hmm...but I knew there would be a 'but' coming and I think I know what it is.

"...Oz is my boyfriend Buffy, and I do love him too," said Willow sadly, sounding guilty somehow.

Yep, I was right. I knew she was going to say that...not that I want to break them up because they do look so cute together and Oz is her first boyfriend. But I still feel sad about it. Apart of me really wants to explore these new...innocent feelings with her. Even with the danger of the hell mouth in this town, I still want to. Maybe along the way, who knows...good things will happen right? But even with the power of a slayer, I still do not have the heart to break Willow and Oz up.

"I understand Willow. I'm not expecting much..."

I felt my heart was squeezing the breath out of me when I said that. If I thought it was possible, my heart would shatter into a millions of pieces slowly and painfully. With great effort, I try to lighten things up for her because I do not wish to burden her more.

"But we could see where this goes...I mean, very slowly." Willow squeaked a little when she said this. Her beautiful face was mixed with confusion and I'm certain she still has no real idea how to deal with the information that lay before her. Yet I do see guilt in her expression, perhaps not wanting me to be hurt.

'Ok, huh?' I thought, blinking my eyes. God, my temples throbbed as my headache returned with a vengeance. 'The dumb blond scores again.'

"I mean, I don't want to cheat on Oz or anything...but I still need to think...actually, I don't really know what I'm feeling right now...but can you give me some more time?" Willow says with a slight hope in her voice. But I do catch a slight fear too...perhaps afraid that I'll be mad at her or something. But I do get the feeling that she's not really brushing me off and that's a good thing. I smiled tiredly to her as I start feeling very sleepy.

"That's fine with me." The words are as listless as my limbs.

I see her smile once more forcing it past her evident exhaustion. She then pulls me into a hug and I wrap my arms around her neck and hold her tightly. Her body heat was really comforting and I closed my eyes with a sigh. Before I knew it, she's lying on her bed and I was nearly on top of her but I still didn't want to let go of her. I could hold her forever this way.

"Willow, can I hold you tonight?" I asked her gently, yet fearful for any rejection to come. It feels weird to ask her in the first place, because we are after all, best friends. But...it's different now and it feels much more appropriate to do so.

She remained quiet for awhile and I heard a soft yes. I pulled back and smiled at her. I wanted to give her a goodnight kiss, but I feel it is too soon for Willow's sake. I give her a sign so she would move to her side and as she did that, I lay down behind her and wrap my arms around her small waist and brought her closer to me slowly. We both began to feel comfortable and I could sense her falling asleep really soon. And before she does, I whispered to her...wanting her to know something.

"Willow?"

"Yes Buffy?"

"Thank you."

I could feel her smile as we both slept peacefully...for tomorrow there's school to go to.

**tbc**


	2. Petition

The administrators of are as of June 4th going to be taking down Fics that have lemons or have extreme violence. Now I don't know about you but I think thats stupid. There are many wonderful fics that only have one or two lemons in them yet the plot itself is awesome! You can't just take down a 100,000+ word fic just because it has a lemon in a chapter that is only 1000 words long. Now I urge you all to read the petition below, sign it, and repost this to your own fics. Hopefully if we make enough noise everything will return to normal. Thank you.

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

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For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

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